Frogshake

Here’s the second part to the Sony sucks! story. Surprisingly, I got a reply from Sony; but only to tell me that I had contacted the wrong department. So I wrote to the department they told me to write to and they again referred me to someone else. One last time I attempted to make someone care about my dilemma and the reply I got - and this is no joke - was that I should go to the sony.co.uk website and look for help there.Wow. I was glad they told me as I would have never thought of that on my own! Gsus.

Since contacting Sony brought me nothing but sorrow I stopped to pursue this fruitless endeavor and decided to send and email to amazon.co.uk instead. Boy, had I no idea what I was about to blunder into. Not that they weren’t helpful, they were very much so; however, it was confusing. I will not quote all the emails which have been sent back and forth, but will paraphrase the important parts.

My first email: Hello amazon employee, I purchased the The Shield Season 5 DVD and the last episode is 20 minutes short. Please tell Sony to fix it.

Amazon reply #1: Hello, we are very sorry! We’ll send you a new DVD box and you don’t even have to send the one you already own back “as the cost of returning the package is in this case prohibitively expensive.”

My second email: Hi! Well, thanks, but it’s really not your problem and I doubt a new DVD Box will solve the problem.

Amazon reply #2: Hello, we are very sorry! We will still send you a new DVD box, but you have to send the one you already own back.

My third email: Cheerio! Ok then, send me a new DVD box, but do you want me to send the first DVD box back or not?

Amazon reply #3: Hello, we are very sorry! You don’t even have to send the one you already own back “as the cost of returning the package is in this case prohibitively expensive.”

One of the three amazon employees I dealt with suggested giving one of the boxes to charity. I wonder if any charity would want it.

In the end all this emailing, wasting time surfing the web for information and obsessing didn’t get me far. In retrospect it didn’t get me anywhere. As a result I am stuck not with one, but with two DVD boxes which, not all that surprisingly, have the exact same flaw. I heart amazon.

When I woke up this morning I reached out to find my alarm clock, not yet knowing where my head and my feet were. I successfully distinguished my alarm from a remote control, dragged it toward my eyes and the first thought that ricochet through my mind was “CMON!”. I’d slept too long. Not that I had an appointment or anything, but I’d planned on getting stuff done today. Strike 1!

After having sorted some of my thoughts I saw my bonsai tree…and realized that I hadn’t watered him since last week’s Saturday. Poor guy. Strike 2.

Then I dragged my still lifeless body to the bathroom, doing my morning routine which involves putting in my contacts. Of course, gravity overpowered me and one of them fell from my finger right to the floor. Here’s the thing: looking for a contact on a white floor, being half-blind because you don’t know where the hell your glasses are, is some rather mild fun. Strike 3.

Three strikes. I am out for the day, I get it. However, fate seemed to disagree. I bet fate was sitting there, watching my morning go to hell and thought “hm, what could I do, what could I do next? There gotta be something that’ll push him over the edge and make him kill himself.” As it turns out, fate really is that way. I sat down in front of my laptop, checking emails, when I heard a familiar yet hate evoking sound: carnival music. For some unknown reason, which I’d rather not know, a carnival marching band passed by my house, which kind of is in the middle of nowhere, at 10AM. 10AM!!! What is wrong with those people?! Strike 4.

On the plus side: I didn’t kill myself. That’ll show fate.

Thursday was a great. After a more or less boring day I finally arrived at home and discovered an amazon package among my mail. Excitement! I hastily opened it, ripped off the foil and there I was standing, holding a brand new copy of The Shield Season 5 in my hands. What joy! Of course, I started watching immediately, still as excited as a little child on Christmas morning.

2 days later I was through and Wow! was it a blast. This truly is the best drama series out there. However, something felt wrong. Wasn’t something missing? I was sure that something was off, so I re-read the little episode guide which accompanies the DVDs and there it was: an entire scene seemed to be missing! Shock! Well, at least I thought it was missing because the episode description didn’t quite match the actual episode I had just watched. So I went back to the episode and watched it again, this time in fast forward. Still not there…hm…

There I was, sitting in my room, absolutely mesmerized by the thought of the possibility that Sony put an altered version of the season finale on the UK DVD release. Can it be? So I did what most people do in a time of crisis: I started obsessing. After three short hours of rummaging in the Internet, I finally found out what was wrong. Apparently, Sony, for whatever reason, decided not to put the 70 minute long season finale on the UK release, but a 48 minute long version. WTF? That doesn’t even make any sense, especially since a picture of one of the missing scenes was used as a background for the DVD episode menu (you know, where you can set audio commentaries on/off and so forth). Weird.

What’s done is done, and while investigating I also stumbled across amazon.com and they offer - and that is really cool - Season 5 and 6 of The Shield as download. Again, excitement! I, after all, get to see the whole 70 minute long episode! Of course, I didn’t. “You can only download Unbox videos while you’re in the United States.” Great!

In the end, all the drama culminated in me writing an email to Sony Pictures Home Entertainment - or at least that’s where I think I sent it to - which will most likely go unanswered. Here it is:

Dear Sony people,

I have a problem or rather a question regarding the The Shield Season 5 UK DVD release. The season finale (”Post-Partum”, Season 5, Episode 11) is 48 minutes long on the UK release. Interestingly, the original episode is approximately 70minutes long. Why? As far as I know the US DVD release features the 70minute version of “Post-Partum,” so why doesn’t the UK release? Care to clarify?

In case I get a reply I will publish it here, but don’t hold your breath as I really don’t expect any. Frustrated, I come to the conclusion that:

1. Sony sucks

2. Sucks to be me

Over and out, have a nice Sunday!

Light food. Is there anything more perverse to put into your mouth? Coke (if you laughed, you have a really dirty mind) Light, Cheese Light, Beer Light, all of them pretty much equal flavor Light to me. And now this Coke Zero wave is trying to suck us into the ocean of non-fat, sugar free soft drinks - yikes! To me, low fat, sugar free, flavor reduced food and beverages are the scourge of our time. It is much like mumbling on a rice cracker as it would give my taste buds a similar carnival of overwhelming flavor. I really wonder why people keep eating/drinking this stuff. It doesn’t taste half as good as the regular products and everyone who says otherwise is hereby cursed by the Sugary King of Corn Syrup.

Well, yes, I get it, people don’t want to gain or want to loose weight but then the question is: Are sweets - although “light” - really the best way to go? And are a couple of pounds really worth the agony of eating Chocolate Light? The thought of Chocolate Light alone makes me shudder. I don’t approve.

Oh, and what’s the deal with light cigarettes? I wonder if they kill you lighter…